::| the original uppity woman |::

I hate fights there's no good side of. Either I side with the frightened girl who breaks things that shouldn't be broken--and who lets things in that I don't want to deal with--and her aunt who is more my own than many of my children...or I side with von Thorwald's son and the Russian, who are everything that I loathe.

But Sharolt's right, there's cause to be worried. If she breaks anything else...I'll have to take sides.

Ilóna says: I know there's something you're not telling me. But darling. Would you believe me if I did?

And then there's the boy. That man wouldn't sacrifice himself even if it would save those children, but it won't. Which means if I don't want the girl to be pledged before she even bleeds, I'll have to think of something on my own. Because clearly Wilkes is not listening.

Men. Why oh why did the Nameless ever think THAT was a good idea?

Here I go again: getting involved.

Because that always works out so well for me.

Here I was so sure that Stepa was the right horse to back, and now I find out that Sharolt managed to free herself, and Alessio's found a bloody coach. What's a girl to do? And there might be a few more contenders.

I don't like Erasmus Pendry very much either.

I know it doesn't accomplish much in the greater scheme of things, but helping with something like that always makes me feel just that little much better, for as long as it lasts.

Well, that went about as well as...as I ought to have expected. Really.

He doesn't trust me and I know I shouldn't expect him to. And the longer I stay here, the better the chances that someone will figure me out. Someone who isn't him. I can't be sent away, because this is where I belong. I was created for this world; I didn't have as far to fall.

Ilóna's been keeping an eye on them for me. She works with one of the other contenders, but she thinks he's a bit of an idiot--she doesn't understand why I'm so concerned about that one. Doesn't understand that Stepa stumbles into what Alessio goes looking for.

Ilóna doesn't understand me, either, though she thinks she does. To her...

But she's so beautiful, how can I not?

Every time I look around and see what humans are capable of doing to one another, I ask myself if this is really all my fault. I mean--they could have been my children, these people.

If I'd made different choices.

And then I laugh and realise that none of this is my fault because it could never have been any different. If I'd been willing to do what she did, I would have been her, and we'd be right back at square one, Ain Sof, and that's that.

But this does not look promising.

And by this I mean the whole, Y---damned, fucking bitch of a highly unsatisfactory situation.

Azazel is not going to win this one, damn it. No matter what he thinks.

This place is a fucking dump. Though, I suppose, if I take into consideration all the people who were stung to death by bees, it wasn't just humans who did this.

All right. I'm really doing this now. Because I'm just that kind of girl.